First comes divorce; or Other things than death

Isn’t it amazing when you realize that your spouse has been miserably married to you for 11 years and you think “Whew! Thought it was just me! It’s both of us!” and you can continue on your way to getting a divorce. Because that’s what you do when your relationship is toxic and hurts you. 
You know what I can do for this body that is toxic and hurts me? Keep med compliant. Yoga. PT exercise. (And all the other bullshit useless advice I get from day to day.) But I can’t divorce this body. And the pain from something like I have never stops. 
So, not feeling in the mood for advice on the relationship or the body issues. Both are pretty worthless for me right now. Just have to keep my head above water until I can figure out one or the other. Since living with me 24/7 is a gamut of misery and no one in my family can stand being around me. Mhmmm. Yep. Ok then. I’ve long stopped believing the toxic bulllshit poured in my ear. Or at least I thought I did. Today he thought it was “funny” to accuse me of having a “secret Amazon account”. Just like all the email accounts I have that are secret to communicate with my …  Well I’m not sure what I do with them. I get confused easily enough that I am pretty sure I would have emailed him from an OMGZ SEEKRIT EEMAL ACCONT years aso. And as soon as I figure out what I’m doing with those emails, I will let everyone know. 
And of anyone has any questions about pain and short term and long term memory issues, be sure to ask my husband. Apparently he is an expert and understands why I can remember that I made 31k at the chamber of commerce but can forget to make a phone call on a bad pain day. Or an agreement we made on a bad pain day.  WHOOPS. That’s backwards. He knows not shit about how it works. But is sure ready to use it to hurt me. 
In closing, if you think the man I married is an asshole, you are no longer welcome at his house while you are in St. Louis. I have a list of names if you want to know if you’re on it. Or if you just think he’s an asshole in general, you’re not welcome. But be aware. History has a way of rewriting itself around him. So if you’re not sure, err on the side of caution and just don’t come to his house. That way things are nice and easy for him. (But if you want to sneak over when he isn’t here and see my new bathroom, you’re more than welcome!) 
File this whole thing under “I DOAN GIVA FUUUUUUUCK” as per the movie Friday.